Bin Ladin Unveils New Offensive
Osama Bin Ladin held a rare public press conference yesterday to formally unveil his new offensive plan. "It's new, and I think it's hip," Bin Ladin said. "Although there are yet a few kinks to be worked out, I do believe that it will change modern warfare as we know it."

The new proposed plan will follow an "anything goes" format in which no offensive measure is ruled out. Bin Ladin explained, "My new plan will involve placing secret operatives within enemy territory. They will then do as they are instructed. I call this method 'Internal Warfare'." He continued to explain that these operative will not be identified in anyway, and will assume rolls as typical American citizens. Bin Ladin ended his formal statement with a look of satisfaction as he opened himself up for questions.

After an array of questions, Bin Ladin was asked if he was aware that his "new" brand of warfare was in violation of the Geneva Convention. At this, Bin Ladin replied, "What is this Geneva Convention??"

After a light chuckle swept the conference room, Bin Ladin was asked wether he was aware that his plan as described was almost identical to the definition of terrorism. His face became flushed and his aide promptly responded with "No comment." Bin Ladin and his procession then hurridly called an end to the conference.

President Bush was later asked to comment on Bin Ladin's direct violation of the Geneva Convention. Bush replied, "What's the Geneva Convention?"