Juan Valdez Joke
Referenced a couple days ago, here's the Juan Valdez joke Jake was talking about.

Juan Valdez, for those less inclined (Adam House) is the official spokesman for the Columbian Coffee growers. He's that l33t dude with a Sombrero and a donkey. Please ignore the fact that one has to be a native-born US citizen to run for President while I present the joke to you.

So Juan Valdez starts his campaign for president, and few people take him seriously. To prove his temerity, Juan tells the people that he will give up riding his trusty donkey to show the people he's in it for real.

As his campaign bus is driving along to Kansas City, it breaks down, and if Juan doesn't hurry, he's going to be late to his campaign stop. So he's forced to ride his trusty donkey into town. He makes it on-time, and gives a great speech, but the folks are a little miffed.

"But Juan," they say, "you said you'd give up riding the donkey, and you didn't. You lied to us. So in order for Juan to prove that he's in it for real, he promises to give up his sombrero.

So as Juan is heading into a Native American reservation (no cars allowed) on his trusty burro, he's in the middle of the hot desert sun. In order to prevent dehydration and getting sun burned, he has to wear his Sombrero. Again, the people are agree and think they can't trust Juan. He then promises the people to give up--get this--Coffee. That's right, the spokesman for Columbian Coffee says he will give it up to prove he's for real.

Juan is flying into an important campaign stop in Los Angeles and he realizes his speech is completely unprepared. He needs to pull an all-nighter to get the speech down. He goes all night and gets the speech prepped, but there's one problem: Juan is completely sluggish and needs a charge from his trusty Coffee to deliver an effective speech. So Juan drinks coffee and delivers an electrifying speech. However, the people are upset that he once again broke a campaign promise. Juan is upset and leaves.

Juan goes back into his hotel room and shoots himself with a Golf Gun.

What's a Golf Gun you ask? I don't know, but it sure put a hole in Juan!