COME ANTICIPATE THE DARK LORD'S RETURN!
As all of you know, tomorrow is HALLOWEEN! In order to celebrate the one night of the year when our one true Lord Satan returns to the realm of the living, there is a Black Mass at my house tomorrow. We will spill the blood of a virgin to attempt to quench Satan's unholy thirst for BLOOD. All must cower before the awesome power of the Master of all that is Evil and Wrong. When the clock strikes midnight tonight, the Dark Lord returns from his heinous realm to spread horror into the world of the living. On this unholy night all Hell will break loose, and the terror will spread throughout the world like a pox upon a diseased man. He will devour the non-believers souls and torture them for all eternity.

If this is your first Black Mass, here is a helpful list of equipment to bring:
1 goat for slaughter (if you can't find one, bring a jar of fresh goats blood from the Hy-Vee meat counter or something)
1 compact disk of Satanic heavy metal (Check out Satan's Soul Grinder, the Dark Golems of Pain, Howling Syn, and Wrath of Killenstein. There all favorites of our Unholy Bringer of Death)
1 set of WARM CLOTHES! (It might get chilly outside while we commit our unspeakable grisly black acts)

Myself and the other High Priests of Pure Evil will handle everything else.