The After School Adventures of Team ADD
Today after school Team ADD, which consists of myself and Nick Basile, made the journey to Lindale Mall in search of NASCAR merchandise. This is the story of today's events.

We began our quest for NASCAR gear in the parking lot, where we hopped into my horseless carraige. Nick then spotted Ellen's car with the window down, and I pull up next to it. I handed him a stale bag of Combos, and he hucked them in. All was going according to plan, when Ellen spotted us and came running across the parking lot to put an end to our shenanigans. The throwing ceased, but not before Ellen spat a GIANT FUCKING LOOGIE all over Nick and myself. Nick bore the brunt, with only my hands and steering wheel taking the damage. In order to add insult to injury, she squired her wiper fluid at us as we left.

Our quest was underway, and Nick stop was HandiMart to perform some routine car maintence, which involved me putting air in my tires whilst El Bayzo smashed combos on my windshield and spread the Dijon mustard that came with his Lunchable on it. Snacking occurred, as well as a carwash and we were off to wonderful Lindale Mall.

1st Stop: Software Etc. Three of the absolute biggest pieces of nerd shit were sitting in there, quoting Ferris Bueller. ACTUAL QUOTE: "Man, I always drop Ferris Bueller quotes. And then when people ask what that is from, I smack them! HAHAHAHA*SNORT*" Some dude was playing the new Xbox demo, and I picked up the second controller, pushed some buttons, and promptly ruined his game of DOA 3. Nick berated me with insults, but the next thing he did was knock down a couple different displays. We were even. The sheer dorkage of this event was broken by some light sparring by Nickolaus and I. After some hot karate action, which included a chase around display cases and some lethal kicks, we left

2nd Stop: C&Y. This ghetto store is for the crackers, honkies, and other scum of the earth who desire to dress like a No Limit Soldier but don't actually have the money to do it. It consisted of some immigrant Chinese woman talking on the phone and racks and racks and racks of PLAYERS jackets and fleece sweatsuits. Yes, fleece sweetsuits. I tried on a PLAYERS jacket, and after throwing up some gang signs, Nick suggested we leave this retard haven.

INTERLUDE: We stopped and looked at these stupid ass Youth Leadership pictures or some gibberish like that. This also provided fossil fuel for our comedy combustion engines, as we made it our personal mission to find the biggest lamazoid of the bunch. I think we hit jackpot when we found Derek Meek's picture. Put this image inside your mind: glamour shots in a wife beater. Yes, a wife beater.

3rd Stop: The One Dollar Warehouse(Or something like that). WHITE. TRASH. HEAVEN. Those three words describe the entire contents of this store. What would you expect for a dollar? As if to drive this point home, as soon as we entered the store I spotted a dirty scraggly man in a baseball cap perusing the aisles with his daughter. An old wrinkled woman welcomed us into the store, and we proceded to view the merchandise. Suddenly, like a ray of light, I spotted the perfect item. An all white basesball cap. No logos. No colors. No nothing. Just white as snow. Nick picked up a similar item, a denim baseball cap with a man water skiing embroidered on the front. We continued through this horror store and I found a picture perfect pair of pink sunglasses, which match my hat perfectly. The dynamic duo approached the counter to pay, and the old woman snapped "I thought you guys were old enough to play with lighters, but now with your behavior in the store I can plainly see that your not 18!" We had merely been laughing at all the shitty merchandise her shithole store had to offer. We paid and left, hopefully never to return.

4th Stop: Goodfellaz Urban Wear. A little more upscale then C&Y, but the big black man combing his hair scared us off before we could investigate.

5th Stop: Crappy Ass Halloween Store. This store was the worst excuse for a Halloween store I have ever seen in my entire life. Nick and I scouted this store for a few minutes and decided: Worst. Costumes. EVER! Ugly staff, ugly costumes, ugly store. Actually, the one redeeming quality was their Renaissance costumes. Who wouldn't want to dress up in as Romeo (yes they had a Romeo costume) for Halloween? As Matt Kottal would say: "Draw thy longsword ho!"

Quick Interlude: We took a brief break to stare at all the Goth freaks standing outside the Hot Topic. I hope they all meet horrible fates. Stupid Goths with their angst "Linkin Park are the only ones who understand me! I think I will go write shitty poetry about vampires."

6th Stop: Spencer's Gifts. By now, our trip was slowing down and we were losing our momentum. We had one last stop to make, and that was Spencer's Gifts. This store was pretty lame, with the notable exception of the male cashier dressed up in a skirt. And the black lights were cool. Several displays caught our eye, including some badass Kiss action figures and some lame ass Metallica figures. Suddenly: out of the corner of my eye I spied it. It glistened in the light and I went over to inspect it. I had found my new piece. Describing it one word: unflossable.

This ends our mall tour, as after this we realized our attention spans were running low and we should head home. I'm not a big fan of the mall but this was an interesting day to be there.